Insecurity makes people do crazy things; it's like a parasite that infects the logic within first, then spreads to your choices, actions, emotions, and everything in between. Without knowing it, it gains control of you, like the fungus that grows in ants, and makes you do ridiculous things.
Yesterday, it took control for a little while. It was the effect of the current personal drama, being in debt with not a dollar to my name, having no job but to look for one, and being stuck at home for hours. Mostly, it was the fact that I was unemployed. Borrowing from friends and family just so the collectors will leave you be is humiliating at best. There's a reason why leech has a negative connotation associated with it. I had a headache from all the stress and staring at the computer screen, helplessly searching on monster.com, craigslist, and the local newspaper's classifieds.
So, after months of looking, I was fed up. I left my laptop on a job search engine, got in my car, and drove while the rain was beating the roof of my car. I drove until I reached a turn off into the woods, parked my car and slept.
It was a nice slumber; the sounds of the rain thumping on my window, the smell of wet pines, the uninterrupted, all-alone, in-and-out-of-it naps. It cleared my head--the parasite had receded, and so had the headache.
Allowing that little time for me to be crazy cleared my head. Coincidentally, that's when the clouds parted and the sunlight poured through. Rainbows.
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